Uncovering hidden shame

Shame can be seen as the shadow side of ourselves, the part of us that we do not wish to reveal to others.
Shame is a feeling deep within the core of ourselves that convinces us that we are in some way inferior. Shame can always be found hidden underneath feelings of unworthiness and fear. 

It is a very painful feeling, which is difficult to explore and face for most people because it is the feeling of not being good enough.

​Shame has such a dominating influence on us, because we are often not even aware it is there within us affecting our behaviours and undermining our attempts to make positive changes in our lives. Uncovered shame can have such authority over us that it can manifest in a range of emotional and physical health problems ranging from anxiety and depression to addictions and psychosomatic illnesses.
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By facing our shadow side, the dark parts of us we do not like to explore, we empower ourselves.  What is hidden within us has power over us. We reclaim our power by uncovering our hidden feelings of shame. It is a necessary step on the road to health and happiness as the more self-awareness we have, the more control and choice we have over our thoughts, emotions and behaviour. We need to overcome our fear of what lies within us, as denying and hiding our shame will keep us trapped. Counselling is a wonderful tool in helping us to explore those hard to face feelings that may be creating many problems within our lives and preventing us from reaching our full potential. Self-awareness liberates us from the hidden shame and subconscious processes influencing our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. 

Here is a self-help suggestion of how you may begin exploring, by yourself, those hidden feelings.  However, please note that for many people this process can be too difficult to face alone, and most individuals would certainly benefit from my counselling support. 

• Find a quiet space by yourself where you can sit for a few moments. Take a few deep, calming breaths to help you relax your mind. Close your eyes and sit quietly in silence for a few minutes to allow yourself to become calmer. Rather than fighting or pushing away your feelings, allow yourself to feel whatever is within you. Ask yourself what lies beneath these feelings and then wait patiently for an answer to come. Rather than fighting against your feelings choose to listen to what your feelings are telling you about what is going on at a deeper level inside yourself. You must try to wait patiently for an answer. The answer is there within yourself and is easier to find through stillness and silence.  The process requires patience and a willingness to look within, but this can help you to manage your feelings and behaviours better so you have a choice in how you respond rather than reacting.


• If you are able to uncover some feelings of shame, feelings of unworthiness, inferiority and fear of not being good enough, then the next step you might like to take is to question the validity of these feelings of shame and to uncover where these feelings of shame originate from. The deeper you can go with this process the more aware you become of how shame influences your life. This process can be quite difficult to do alone and you may require the support and help of a counsellor. However, you will still benefit from simply following the first step of processing your feelings calmly. 

Practicing the process of taking quiet space to explore your feelings by yourself on a regular basis will help you to manage and understand your difficult feelings better, whilst assisting you to become more mindful of how your thoughts are influencing your daily life.  This is a similar process to how you can explore yourself within the counselling space with support and guidance. 

Note: Sometimes being alone with strong negative feelings can be very frightening.  At these times it may be more beneficial to go for walk or engage in some other form of positive physical activity to distract yourself from your feelings until you feel able to find some quiet space to be by yourself to turn within, or speak to a counsellor.